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Swords and Sandals
If you’re into ancient Greek cosplay, this is your weekend. There’s a new movie with Bronze Age set dressing. Maybe that’s enough. Who knows?
🌄🐎 Near Myth ⚔️📜
The sword-and-sandal genre has delivered epic stories on the big screen since the earliest days of cinema.” ~Scott Kernen, Rotten Tomatoes
Sword and Sandals is a film genre that includes recent entries such as this year’s Odyssey, Troy and the modern remake of Wrath of the Titans as well as classics such as Ben Hur, Samson & Delilah and a slew of Hercules movies.
Anything biblical, ancient Greek or Roman typically counts.
The genuinely important thing is that men wear leather skirts or mini-dress looking tunics with their sandals.
A Greco-Roman warrior helmet with the bristle mohawk crest is always a winner, too.
The assumption is always that even if the thing isn’t historically accurate (and they almost never are), you still feel as if you’re watching something from the Old Testament or Bronze Age Greece or Iron Age Rome.
Togas, tunics, pteruges and all kinds of retro clothing are worn by the guys and women are in as little as possible.
Okay, I can get behind that.
Where there are sandals, tunics or togas, somebody needs to be waving a sword.
Why?
Because there might be Philistines, Persians or Carthaginians around.
If it’s not ideological enemies, it could be centaurs, gorgons, cyclopses, minotaurs or what-have-you.
It’s not a genre I’m reaching out for at the moment.
I’m much more interested in modern crime and superhero stories to keep my head in the Sentinel series, but I do like them when I’m in the mood for random whatever.
What I’m pretty not ever in the mood for is a…
🎭 Greek Epic With No Greeks 🏺
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There’s a lot of talk about Christopher Nolan’s current exercise in the Swords & Sandals category.
The Batman trilogy was phenomenal, except for the voices.
Sorry not sorry. What the actual goddamn fuck was Bane’s voice? WHAT?!?
Also, as a directorial choice, Batman’s voice makes a certain kind of sense.
If you’re going to put on a cape and cowl to fight crime in order to maintain anonymity, it makes sense you’d change your voice.
That makes sense in a basic kind of way, but the Batman voice is now a complete meme.
Everyone with a Batman mask makes fun of the Nolan Batman voice
A director makes choices and they work or they don’t.
Having not seen this movie yet, I can’t qualify which do or don’t.
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The thing with Batman is that he’s in a parallel universe where superheroes exist and you can have super-rich guys with crazy body armor and what all.
The Odyssey is also purely fiction, but it’s set in this imaginary version of an actual timeframe.
In order to do an epic Greek poem from the post-Mycenean Age at the dawn of Greek city-states, that’s your template.
You can do an inspired-by like Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou which is profoundly not a literal version of The Odyssey and yet it is still freaking brilliant.
But it is still not, specifically, The Odyssey. If you’re doing The Odyssey, then do it. If you’re going to actually do it, do it as written.
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Homer was Greek. His characters were Greek. His story’s ethos was Greek.
Christopher Nolan either doesn’t get it or doesn’t care.
He’s too busy being high on his own supply and trying to kiss the Academy’s ass to actually do the Odyssey.
It’s a shame, but then again, so was Bane’s voice. Go figure…
👑 Treasured Wealth Of The World 📚
Books are the treasured wealth of the world and the fit inheritance of generations and nations. ~Henry David Thoreau
So, maybe you’re wondering about the header image of today’s post.
Those are two of the key characters in my fantasy series, Tales Of Olde Auringia.
We see traveling imperial scholar-mage, Naicellius, admiring an enchanted treasure as his bodyguard, Akhrenzar, a warrior of the open steppes, stands wary of the onlooking eyes in this ancient site.
The books in the Auringia series will feature the adventures of Naicellius and Akhrenzar.
Typically, this will be in contrast to the adventures of characters of another age who are somehow impacted or afflicted by whatever Naicellius set in motion in their timeframe.
Ultimately, Naicellius becomes a lich. Even before he does, he sets no end of traps for people in the future to fall victim to.
Naicellius is not a hero, nor does he want to be.
Akhrenzar is not a hero, he’s just there to keep Naicellius’ fat out of the fire.
Even though they’re not heroes, they’re still a lot of fun.
It’s going to be a great series when I get around to writing it.
That’s all for today. See you back on Wednesday for ⛈️⚡⚡⚡