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National Make Your Bed Day 2024
Despite the fact that today is National Make Your Bed Day, nope.
It Matters To Some People 🛏️
Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. ~Benjamin Franklin
How’s 3:30am for ya, Benji? That early enough? I ain’t feelin’ it.
I am not healthy.
I sure as fuck am not wealthy.
I am at best a wiseass.
This whole stress-induced insomnia thing isn’t really doing it for me.
Some Hump 🐪 Day. I feel like I’ve been steamrollered, but the work just keeps piling up.
Am I getting any writing done? Of course not.
By the end of any given day, I’m in a state that can best be described as Bidenesque.
Get me a beach chair and some ice cream.
Just Do It 🗸
How to Make the Perfect Bed All by Yourself
For anyone who cares, here’s an expert to show you how to make a pretty-pretty show bed.
I am not one of those people. Granted, I admire the artistry of a nicely turned down bed.
It makes me want to jump on it and wrinkle it all up.
🛌🏻 Easier To Get Back In If You Don’t 💤😴💤
I don’t get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day. ~Linda Evangelista
I was running a bit late that day. A beautiful September day called for a leisurely trip to work. Either one was on time or one was not.
So, I was listening to the radio when reports of the first plane strike came in. I looked up. The sky was clear from horizon to horizon.
Oh, well. Maybe it’s foggy or raining in New York.
It wasn’t. It was some pernicious foreigners taking advantage of a high trust society to pull off a historical act of absolute fuckery.
Those assholes had the advantage that nobody had every tried anything like it, so nobody really thought to look for it.
Nowadays, we know better.
We’ve got dedicated federal agents doing body scans and pat downs of shriveled octogenarians now.
Can’t actually investigate the people who fit the profile of the original perpetrators. That would be racist or something.
Well, now they don’t have to try that hard at all. If they can get to Mexico or Central America, they can cross our border like there is no such thing.
Thanks, Joe. You’ve done a bang-up job, you senile putz.
Now, we’ve got all sorts in this country. Vicious gangs, unrepentant thieves who go unpunished for their constant looting, rapists and feckless barbarians who are eating people’s pets.
Fuck this shit.
I hope the Veep steps in it as hard as Joe did. Civilization can’t afford the Hairy/Balz Ticket. It needs to stop before something genuinely horrible happens.
As if widespread rape, murder, vehicular mayhem, organized gangs of looters grabbing bags full of merchandise over and over and over again and a fentanyl crisis weren’t bad enough, we’ve got to worry about when one of these unvetted wonders pulls off the next 9/11.
Again, I say: Thanks, Joe. Quite a vision you and your party have for this country. Sure hope we all survive 46 in one piece.
That’s all I’ve got for you today. I’m just exhausted and I don’t care. I doubly don’t care about making the bed.