posted in: Random, Rob | 0



Call the wambualnce

Yeah, as I said in the previous post, it’s Christmastime and I’ve got some projects I’ve been working on for my kids. As such, I’m really distracted and I have pretty much nothing to say. That being said, I’ve committed to blogging every day unless disaster overtakes me. Well, it overtook me and I’ve missed a day. DRAT!!! I did, however, get my Elf Mail post out on Christmas All The Time.


I’m mad at myself for letting it slip. I was doing so well, sticking to my schedule. That’s a self-imposed deadline, but I’m still mad for not holding to it. Luckily, I have a long weekend to front-load a bunch of upcoming posts. I definitely have to get on the stick posting my Christmas content.

So, anyway, I’m none too impressed with myself.

I’m worn the heck out from my factory job.

My knee nearly gave out today. My knee is wrapped up in an ace bandage. My ankles are constrained in a pair of braces. I had to spread a collection of pain-relieving ointments on the horrifically pained soles of my dreadfully flat feet. There’s a raised bump on the sole of my foot that hurts like you can’t believe.

I slept the whole bloody day away in a painful fever dream.

My weekend is off to a late, horribly unproductive start.

There were no ham & string beans left to eat.

Anyway, I’ve got other flippin’ things to do. More news at 11…

Some More Rules

Rule #36: Not yet cited in Star Trek episodes, movies or novels

“When no appropriate rule applies, make one up.”

A lack of leftovers is the mother of invention.
So, after hours and hours squirming around my bed in exquisite agony, I finally arose to find that we were not only out of leftovers but that my darling wife hadn’t made enough dinner to create new leftovers. Actually, that was fine. I have come to absolutely detest spaghetti. I used to like it when it was a once in a while part of the variety food train.

Unfortunately, it has become a household staple of the weekly variety. Spaghetti Tuesday is almost a requirement. Well, we also had Spaghetti Friday and I’m grateful I missed it.

Fortunately, I had planned ahead and got a can of German Potato Salad. Boom! Instant happy meal. I put a can of spinach (well drained) in a bowl. On top of this, my German Potato Salad. On top of this, a border Cotto Salami and Honey Ham roll-ups. I nuked it for 2½ minutes (Rob doesn’t care much for a scorched mouth) and topped with marinated mushrooms. A meal fit for a king!

Unlike my beloved (but frequently remiss) spouse of 25 years, I provided myself a napkin and a beverage.

Honest to goodness. The one thing I have consistently asked for over the last 25 years. The one Rule that I would desperately like her to adhere to: A napkin and a beverage.

Seriously, how freaking hard is that?

Anyway, I had an enormous mug of eggnog to go with my creative, layered feast. I’ll bet it never occurred to you to create such a dish! Don’t be jealous. The recipe is right there. You can have your own as soon as you collect the appropriate foodstuffs.

Rule #37: The early investor reaps the most interest

In terms of Internet Marketing, interest is not so much a matter of the financial variety as it is of the buzz variety. Early adopters stay with the upcoming trends and figure out how to use it in their own businesses. Figuring out how to do something is cool. Figuring out how to do something that’s repeatable is highly profitable. When you do something that gets you more traffic, more subscribers, more customers, more sales, more whatever, you’re in a perfect position to gather the proof of whatever it is you did and go sell that on the Warrior Forum for even more profit.

The dark side of this approach is that you’re going to trash the technique. As soon as you tell everybody what you’re doing, all the monkey-do’s jump on the bandwagon and take the power out of the process. They turn it into yet another spammy craze that gives the original concept a bad name. It’s a self-devouring process. For this reason, most early adopters wait until the concept has nearly run its course to let the spammy hangers-on know about it. That way, it dies a quick death and the early adopter can move on to the next brilliant ploy.

Rule #38: Not yet cited in Star Trek episodes, movies or novels

Okay, so I was busting on my beloved bride for frequently forgetting the napkin and beverage.

She’s got a lot on her plate, so to speak.

She’s very detail oriented (about everything but the napkin and beverage, that is) and is the very soul of our home.

She’s not a Ferengi, so there’s no problem with her wearing clothes. Actually, I consider them optional for her but she’s the old-fashioned type and continues wearing them anyway.

Just the same, it’s the frustration and pain speaking. My wife is the love of my entire life whether she remembers the napkin and beverage or not. I appreciate the help she gives me and the moral support and the sane environment she maintains in a crowded little cottage in the boondocks of Eastern Pennsylvania. Love you, birdyola!
Flaming your wife on a blog is a good way to cancel Oo-mox

“When no appropriate rule applies, make one up.”

Rule #39: Don’t tell customers more than they need to know

LOL, from the Ferengi perspective it means that you should hide the flaws (usually deliberate) in the goods you’re trying to sell. From our perspective, it means that you shouldn’t bore perspective customers with extraneous details. Writing sales copy is an exercise in precision.

Truth be told, people don’t actually care how many pages your eBook has or how many minutes your videos are, much less the resolution. You can put this in the FAQ if anyone actually asks frequently. Honestly, sales copy is about how the customer is going to feel after buying your product.

You need to help them get to a particular goal. You need to deliver.

More than this, you need to make them look forward to the ride. It’s one thing to deliver a product that helps someone lose weight, get richer, cure an ailment, invest wisely, train pets or whatever. It’s another thing entirely to get them there in style. You want them to enjoy the journey with you. That way, they’ll want to ride with you the next time they want to solve a problem that you can help them solve.

Rule #40: She can touch your lobes but never your latinum

Again, the Ferengi are a hopelessly chauvinistic race. Since women aren’t permitted to earn profit, it stands to reason that they have no place touching your wealth. Latinum is a rare liquid metal that the Ferengi used as currency. Since it was liquid, it was kind of hard to transact with. They suspended it in gold in order to make handling it more practical. On the other end of the rule is mention of touching the lobes. Ferengi ears are extremely sensitive, so having someone caress your ears is tremendously, even erotically, stimulating. They call this lobe touching Oo-mox. It was a bit of a running gag in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. The Ferengi characters, like most guys, were very interested in having attractive women give them this sort of special attention.

Given all the misconduct in the news these days, it’s possible that some of our most famous and powerful members of society are rather more Ferengi than we might hope. Unfortunately, the Peace Dividend that attended the Post WWII era caused morals to become a bit of a less rigid boundary than it had in previous generations. Easy times breed soft people. We’re seeing the outcome of that moral laxity playing out in the public eye today.

Okay, I’ve vented some spleen and ‘splained some Rules of Acquisition. Not bad for a late Friday night (actually early Saturday morning already, drat!). Tomorrow (actually, later today) is another day. I’ve got a few items to put to bed before I hit the sheets again. Stay grateful, my friends. God knows, I’m trying.

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