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Happy New Year 2020

So to speak. I’m not particularly happy today, but whatever. I hope you’re enjoying your holiday even if I’m not.

Holiday

Tensions around the house over finances have given me a hell of a headache both physically and spiritually. I could live without the damned stress. It’s handled and people need to stop worrying.

Will I get a job this year? Depends on whether I can find a desk job or possibly a work at home gig. Bending continues to be a problem for me. That nixes the majority of what’s available locally.

We went to my In-Laws for Christmas dinner. We were there about 3 hours and I had to go up and down the stairs a few times. By the time we left, I was in absolute agony. SO, it stands to reason that if I can barely survive 3 hours of leisure activity, I’m quite unlikely to survive 8-12 hours of even the most casual of work environments.

People think I’m being lazy. I’m being pragmatic. The last couple of months at the trash bag factory were excruciating. Do you know what it feels like to actually be unable to walk on your feet anymore? Do you know what it feels like to be in such pain that you can’t even tolerate standing? Imagine that and then throw on the anguish of knowing you’ve got another 3-4 hours before the end of the workday.

Been there. Done that…

There’s more than just the physical pain. There’s the embarrassment of having to look pathetic to your coworkers. There’s the stress of having to figure out how to get off of your feet without breaking the “can’t sit down at work” rule. I don’t know how to hover. I don’t have wings. I even had to bring crutches into work one day and management told me I couldn’t have those either.

So…

Excuse the fuck out of me for trying to build my online business at home instead of trying to get some random job with ridiculous rules and insufferable conditions. Add to that the discomfort I’m still experiencing from the van incident and I’m feeling fully justified in taking my time and being really picky about whatever type of job I might want to get.

We’ve been squeaking by. Some squeaks have been tighter than others. Some squeaks have been more desperate than others but squeaked we have. I can only pull so many rabbits out of my fucking hat. I don’t know what else I can do than what I have been doing.

We’ve made it into the Twenties at last. I don’t expect things to get a whole lot better any time soon. I wouldn’t mind if they did but I’m not banking on it. We’ll just have to keep our heads down and muddle on until I can figure out something that I can do that will ACTUALLY bring some money into the house.

Music

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Mariah Carey – Auld Lang Syne
(The New Year’s Anthem, Fireworks Version)